gnome deal

Voodoo Gnome has been seeking refuge in the Lego box. He is tired of being poked in unmentionable places for things he did not do. Tired of taking the blame for practicing mediocre rheumatology. Tired of not being able to play with the Legos because he's sitting in the dark. In short, it pretty much stinks to be him. I caught him making a run for it late one night. He was so desperate to make an escape, he actually bit my finger. Gnomes must have a great dental plan in their woodland creature line of work, because they have very sharp teeth. After I recovered from the shock of being bitten by a needle felted Voodoo Gnome, I decided not to retaliate. After all, I've been sticking him with pins. So I made him a deal. Gnomes love deals. They can't resist.

I told him that I would not only ease up on sticking him in general, but I would completely eliminate sticking him in unmentionable places so he would not be scared to roam free during the day... IF... he would be so kind as to - - -  


Completely annihilate all the latest trendy STUPID buzz words that are so overused. It's making me nuts in the noodle. I'm talkin bona fide  nutsy fagan here. Examples are as follows:

• "pop" (as in "pop" of color. so over that)
• whimsy (no explanation needed)
• my bad (seriously people?)
• juxtaposition (I'm aware that it's fun to say, but stop it)
• dreamy (stoopid)
• prolly (even more stoopid)
• ending a question with "no?" (we're not in France)
• swoon (I can't even tell you how much this one annoys me)
• AND THE MOST OBNOXIOUS PHRASE KNOWN TO MAN ME. RIGHT NOW. IS:
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• DRUM ROLL PLEASE...
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• WAIT FOR IT...
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• "YES, PLEASE!" (STOP SAYING IT. RIGHT NOW. ALL OF YOU)

Well, naturally Voodoo Gnome agreed to those terms, because gnomes always think they've won the lottery if you offer them a deal. And because he will be in less pain. And because he finally gets to SEE the Legos. So today is his first day of freedom. I'll let you know how it goes. And we'll check in on him from time to time.

P.S. yes, I am extremely cranky!