going, going, gone.

 It was inevitable and unavoidable and time to face it.

Daniel was home for 10 days and then he and Davy were leaving for Illinois.

Daniel to begin his phd program at the University of Illinois-Urbana,

and Davy to go out into the world and figure out all his options.

I was used to Daniel being gone (even though I don't like it!)

~ but Davy ~

that was another story, and I knew our house would never be the same.

I was happy for them, I was excited for them, a little nervous for them,

but most of all, delighted they could embark on this big adventure together.

 Davy kind of has his own way of doing things. 

Sometimes he accepts your help and sometimes he yells at you.

 Which is why I was very grateful for his girlfriend Taylor :)

 Daniel has lived 25 places in 7 years. So he's a pro.

 :)

:(

 Davy & Taylor - I love these pics :)

 So the day did indeed arrive, and it was time to say goodbye.

The boys hate posing for pics (see previous post) but they were very patient.

 Daniel made sure everything was secure (including me)

Ready to go - they were traveling good 'ol Route 66 the entire way.

I tried singing the song backwards but it doesn't work.

 I hate these pics of me cuz I'm such a fatty. 

But the looks on our faces.....  I just had to post them.

 I'm totally losing it here and Davy was so sweet :)

 the mouse and his brothers

 it was going to be very different for the mouse around here too.

 So off they went - it truly was very exciting.

I stood in the driveway until they turned the corner and were gone.

I felt like this.

~

It's probably a good thing that our kids don't quite realize what a milestone it is when they leave home. It changes everything - not just for them, but for everyone. From now on when Davy comes home it will be as a visitor. That part is hard for me, though I understand how necessary it is. Davy is kind of like the Tasmanian Devil in human form. He's a very large (and loud) presence :) I mean that affectionately. He's sensitive, and maddening, and hysterical, and stubborn and so, so talented. And he always has friends in and out 24/7. He himself comes in and out 24/7. Compared to that, it's gonna be much like tumbleweeds rolling through and crickets chirping in the background for a while. I will miss the craziness a LOT. I will miss the friends a lot. I will miss Davy's music more than I know how to express in words.

It's hard for a mom not to be needed anymore. Don't get me wrong - I know we're always "needed". And you want to raise your kids to be good with flying away, and do well when they have flown. You're just so used to catching them under their wings, it's hard when they take that first flight. You realize you won't be involved in the little day-to-day things anymore, you won't know a lot about what's going on as much, you'll be there to consult with if they ask - and if they don't ask you still have to be okay with that too. All this probably comes as a great relief to them! But as a parent who has at least tried to be involved..... not so easy.

You feel yourself looking back on things a lot. Looking back on their childhoods - good memories, not so good, friends, classes, school, church, girlfriends, hobbies, movies, birthdays, houses, rooms, toys, places we went, things we did, things we said. And you start wondering did I do well enough? Was their childhood what it should have been? Did I teach them? Did I instill what needed to be? Did I totally mess up? So much of what you find yourself thinking about is good - but right now, oddly enough, even those memories are making me sad. Because I'm just left with the memories now. And the doubts and questions that keep flying up in my face..... I'm still trying to bat them away and tell myself I did the best I could, even though sometimes I don't believe I did. But I would imagine this is a process for me, just like it is for them.

I'll get back to you on that.