the funeral singer

You know that Adam Sandler movie "the Wedding Singer"? (I love that movie)

I'm the Funeral Singer.

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned that here on my blog somewhere in the past, but if not, just take my word for it - I really am the Funeral Singer. You may think that's a really odd thing to be. You may even think it's a really depressing thing to be. Which I guess it could be. But I don't see it that way at all. I see it as a huge blessing in my life. I'm not sure I always felt that way. But after some 30 years of singing at funerals now and then, and some 16 or so funerals later (not including my own family members), I think of it much differently than I did back when I sang at that very first funeral during college. One good thing about getting older, is you have a much different perspective about things. I'm grateful for that.

There are some situations that are, of course, easier than others. That never takes the sadness out of them - no matter what the situation is, any loved one that passes away is mourned and will always be missed. But I find great comfort in the fact that perhaps a person had lived a long, fulfilling life, and was now set free from the cares of this world... uniting once again with friends and family members already on the other side. I know not everyone shares this belief. But that belief has come as natural to me from the time I was a little girl, as the sun coming up every morning. The belief that as sad or afraid as we may be to leave this life, the beginning of a new phase of an even greater life waits on the other side for us. So in a very real sense, a funeral is not only a celebration of that person's life, but of their going home again, if you will.

Just as there are situations that are perhaps easier for us to participate in, there are also just as many - if not more - situations that can test not only our emotional state, our belief system, and our faith as a whole. Part of this life is death, and death comes to all at different times and in different ways. When a dear friend dies of cancer, when a friend's sweet baby is taken so unexpectedly, when a friend's teenager dies in a terrible accident, when a soldier's life is taken... these situations and many others like them, are considered tragedies to us all. We may find ourselves begging God for a reason. We may find ourselves questioning what we always thought we believed. We may find ourselves not even wanting to face life anymore. We may find ourselves cursing God for letting such a thing happen. These are all normal reactions to losing loved ones unexpectedly and in ways that seem so unfair and tragic. These are the funerals that are not only heartbreaking to attend, but incredibly difficult to sing for. But strangely, I still love to sing for them.

Over the years, I have seen so many different instances - each one as unique as the person who has passed. In the beginning, it was very hard for me to contain my emotions..... and that's a near-panic situation for someone who needs to do a good job singing in front of hundreds of mourning people. I quickly learned to NEVER look down at the family members or even out at the congregation very much. I tried my best to keep a calm, serene smile on my face and sing to the back wall of the room. There were times, especially if I was singing for someone I actually knew, when singing to that back wall was the only thing between keeping my composure and ruining a beautiful service by melting into a blob of tears and goo. I'm not proud that on a few occasions I wavered between the two extremes. But I'm relieved to say I never melted into a blob of tears and goo.

As I got a bit older and had sung at several funeral services, my views started forming into what eventually became my love for singing for the beloved person who had passed, and most especially, for their family members left behind to mourn them. I started to see things in a very different light. First of all, I enjoyed learning about and celebrating their lives. It never ceases to amaze me that even those I thought I knew well, had things about them I never knew. It has always made me appreciate them even more. Many times it has inspired me and made me want to be a better person. I've always loved the saying "everyone has a story". I have found that to be true over and over again. Everyone does have a story. And everyone is special in their own way. Those things are even reflected in the songs they requested before their passing, or their family requests for them. I've sung everything from Amazing Grace, to Sunshine On My Shoulders, and everything in between. Each song or hymn has fit the person perfectly.

I finally came to understand, that singing for someone - singing for their family and friends - was the very last gift I could give this person. One of the very last gifts they'll be given here on earth before they're put to rest. It's not something that everyone can do. But I'm so grateful I can do it, because more and more, I have come to greatly love the ability to give that final gift of comfort and celebration. I find it a strange and unique opportunity, yet a great blessing to be able to impart that upon others. It's still heartbreaking at times. A few specific times in my life, it has taken everything I had in me to do it. But what an honor and a privilege it has been! To sing my gift of love for them. I thank God above that he has given me this great blessing I can share with others, and I know it is through him and him only, that I've been able to fulfill this calling.